The Examen is a prayer tool from the Ignatian tradition that I find helpful, even if I only get to it as I lay my head on the pillow and turn out the light. Tonight, however, I turned to the Examen during our fifteen minute meditation after supper and I felt drawn to the last of the five steps: “What grace do you need going forward?” It occurred to me that I don’t often think to ask. Why is that?
I think it most likely indicates that I am relying on myself and my own efforts to get through each day, as well as the next and the one after that. I guess I think I can handle it. So it is with many little opportunities throughout the day that I prefer to manage myself rather than asking for help.
Not recognizing the need to ask for God’s grace can also betray a lack of confidence that God is interested in what weighs heavy on my heart this night. Don’t I believe that God sincerely cares? This morning’s Gospel challenged me to “Live in my love.” How did I do with that today?