I can hardly believe that my last post was so long ago. I have written about the intervening months for the Global Sisters Report:Inter-Mission: Waiting for the Next Act, Inter-Mission: Springtime of Body and Soul, Inter-Mission: Being Restored but I forget sometimes that my blog followers might not have access to those reflections. My chemo finished in late January and a post-treatment PET scan showed no evidence of cancer. The plan is to continue a maintenance dose of one of the medications (Avastin) every three weeks for a year and to have PET scans every three months.
As soon as I got the “all clear” I was ready to travel: Los Angeles, Cincinnati, St. Louis, St. Petersburg…to reconnect with all the people, places and commitments that were on-hold while I was in treatment. I followed the doctor’s advice and scheduled extra days to rest before and after travel and to remember that it would take at least three months to regain my strength and stamina. But it seems that the transition from treatment to surveillance mode is as much a spiritual and psychological one as it is a physical recovery. And it it taking me longer this time around.
I am experiencing a degree of inertia. A definition surfaces from physics class: “Inertia is the tendency of an object at rest to remain at rest.”
In this transition time I feel there is a wisdom in staying still. I trust that healing is in progress and I am under construction. How long will this last? How will I know when it is time to “push on”?
I recall from my doctoring days that the most intense phase of labor, the last few centimeters of cervical dilatation before active pushing begins, is called “transition”. Just as the transition time of labor is anything but passive, my own transition time includes some wonder, some discomfort and some worry. I trust that God is working God’s creative way with me. I do my part to not obstruct the process. And I b~r~e~a~t~h~e. While I am not experiencing birth pains in this time of transition, I do believe that my inner ears are attentive to the Voice that will tell me when it’s time to “push”. My Inner Midwife assures me that I will know.